China

Hospital mai ek baccha paida hota

hota hai. Aur paida hote hi nurse

se poochta hai- bhookh lagi hai nashte mai kya hai.

Nurse - Chowmein, Momos, soup, schezwan.

Baccha- Saala phir se China mai paida ho gaya.

                           T.T. to Sardar in trian- Ticket dikhao.

Sardar- Ha. ha.. ye lo bashao.

T.T.- ye to purani ticket hai.

Sardar- To trian kya abhi Showroom se nikli hai.

Moral of the joke- Soch ke bataunga. Yaar pak gaya hun sardaru ke joke pe comment maar ke.

Kutte Ki Maut

Jaani jab Kutte Ki maut

ati hai.........To

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Wo Mar Jata hai.

Tum Tantion Mat lo.


Again Kutta

 Aise janvar ka naam
batao jo bilkul
kutte jaisa dikhata
hai
lekin sirf 3 pero par
chalta hai?






sacho



langada kutta

Love Letter

    In today's world of MBA's, the old fashioned Love-Letter is being replaced by such 'Corporate' Love-Letters, go ahead and read on.

Dearest Ms. _____,

I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in love with you since the 25th of December 2009. With reference to the meeting held between us on the 24th of December 2009 at 1500 hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.

Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to from lover to spouse. The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses.

However I am broadminded enough, to be taken care of all your expense account. I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be canceled without any further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.

Thanking you in anticipation.

Santa Short massage Jokes

 Nurse came out with the newborn kid, Santa rushed 2 her & after seeing the kid he shouted, PUTTAR hua PUTTAR. She slapped him: Leave my finger, u fool, It's a girl 

An astronomer was watching

    the sky from his telescope
    Santa Singh was observing him,
    Suddenly a star falls,
    seeing that Santa Singh shouted,
    "Kya nishana lagaya hai!"



Banta:how did u got a new car? Santa:A girl drove me to a beach, took her cloth & and said: take what do u want & i took car banta: good yaar kapde ki karne si.

 

American: In our country , marriage even takes place with email.  Santa: In India, it is only with a female.

sardar1:Tell me a word consist of 100 letters
Banta: P-O-S-T-B-O-X.

Manmohan Singh to Bush - We are sending Indians to the moon next year. Bush - Wow! How Many? Manmohan Singh - 100 25 - OBC 25 - SC 20 - ST 5 - Handicapped 5 - Sports Persons 5 - Terrorist Affected 5 - Kashmiri Migrants 9 - Politicians and if possible 1 - Astronaut.

Sardar proposed a Girl...... Girl said Im 1yr elder to you........... Sardar said Oye No Problem Soniye,Ill marry you NEXT YEAR.

Ek bar santa singh pagal ho jata hai, wo bar-2 kehta rehta hai ke gulel banunga chidi marunga.kuch saal pagal khane rehne ke baad woh theek ho jata hai. doctor uss se poochta hai ke ab kya karoge ?
santa: pehle main paise ikathe karke shaadi karunga, phir mere ladka hoga, ek saal baad main uska janamdin manaunga, janamdin par ussey bahut sare gift milenge. gift mein ek nikker bhi hogi, main uss nikker se elastic nikalunga,gulel banaunga aur chidi marunga.  

 

Gabbar: Arey o Sambha 
Sambha: Ji Sardar
Gabbar: Kitne Admi the re?
Sambha: Do Sardar
Gabbar: Mujhe ginti nahi aati. Do kitne hotey hain?
Sambha: Sardar Do Ek ke baad ata hai.
Gabbar: Aur Do ke pehle?
Sambha: Do ke pehle Ek aata hai
Gabbar: To bich mein kaun aata hai?
Sambha: Bich mein koi nahi aata
Gabbar: To fir Dono ek saath kyon nahi atey?
Sambha: Do Ek ke baad hi aa sakta hai, kyonki Do ek se bada hai.
Gabbar: Do ek se bada hai? Kitna bada hai?
Sambha Do ek se Ek bada hai?
Gabbar: Agar Do ek se ek bada hai to ek ek se kitna bada hai?
Sambha: Sardar, Maine tumhara namak khaya hai, mujhe goli mardo par mera dimag to na khao.

Banta ek sadhu se bola: Baba, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi upay batao. Sadhu: Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu kyun banta? Maharoof

Santa to Jeeto: Kaisi sabzi banai hai, bilkul Gobar jaisa swad hai.
Jeeto, maatha peet te hue: Hey bhagwan! Na jane inhone kya-kya kha ke dekha hua hai.

Santa n Banta were watching a cricket match. When Dhoni hits a boundary.
   Banta: Kya Goal mara.
    Santa: Raha Na bewakoof ka bewakoof, Goal is mein nahin cricket mein hota hai.

Teacher to Santa: is line ki english banao, usne apna kaam kiya or karta hi gya.
Santa: He done his work and done dana dan done dana dan...

Santa went out to buy an Indian flag.
The shop owner gave him the flag.
Guess what did he ask next... Ismein aur colour dikhayiye.;)

 Santa (reading from book of facts):
"Do you know that every time I breathe a man dies?"
Banta: "Why don't you use a mouth wash?
 

What's Ford?
Santa: Gaari.
What's Oxford?
Santa: So simple, Bail Gaari.
 

Q: A Man asked Santa, "Akal badhi ya bhains? "
A: Santa bola, "Pehle date of birth to batao."

Banta ped pe chada to upar baithey Bandar ne poocha: Upar kyon aaya?
Banta: Apple khane.
Bandar: Yeh to aam ka ped hai.
Banta: Pata hai, Apple saath laya hoon.



Santa: What's difference between man & Superman?
Pappu: Man wears underwear under the trouser & superman wears it over the trouser.

Banta: Marte waqt aadmi ko kya dena chahiye?
Santa: Birla cement.
Banta: Kyun?
Santa: Kyunki is Cement mein jaan hai.

Titanic doob raha tha.
1 gore ne santa se pucha-dharti kitni dur hai.
Santa- 2kms.
Gore ne samnudr me jump laga k pucha-kis taraf.
Santa-NEECHE.........
 

There was a short note written on poster of adult movie.
"Under 18 are not allowed."
Santa saw this msg, what he did next time he came with 17 people along with him.

A Chini was in hospital.
SANTA went to meet him.
Chini said "CHING CHONG, MOU.CHU CHA" & died.
SANTA went china 2 know thea meaning, that was-KUTTE OXYGN K PIPE SE PAIR Utha.


 A MAN TO HIS FRIEND-MAIN APNA PURSE GHAR PE BHUL AAYA MUJHE 1000 RS KI ZARURAT HAI
BANTA-DOST HI DOST KE KAM ATTA HAI YE LE 10 RS RIKSHA KAR KE PURSE LE AA.

A MAN TO SANTA-UR FRieND IS KISSING UR WIFE IN UR HOME
HE RUSHES TO HIS HOMEAND COME WITHIN HALF AN HOUR N SLAPPED THAT MAN N SAID-HE IS NOT MY FRIEND

 

One day Santas Girlfriend asks him, Darling, om our Engagement will you give me a RING?

Santa:Ya sure, Give me ur Telephone No.

 santa was looking at a painting of a naked women leaves covering her body
he asked that what he was doing he answered- waiting 4 autumn(SANTA BAHUT BADMASH HAI)


Sardar ne bhagwan se poocha
Kya mai aglejanam mai gadha ban sakta hun 


Bhagwaan ne jawab diya
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Ek hi facility baar baar 
nahi milti
Moral- "Yaar ye galat baat hai bhagwaan ne aisa nai kahna Chahiye tha."

Santa to Pagal hai

Accident hua,

Bheed hui,

Santa ko age akar dekhne ka 

mauka chahiye tha.

To wo jor se chillaya- "Haay Mere Pitaji."

Sabne use age jaane diya- Dekha to 

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Kutta mara tha

Swami Nityanand -Joke

If you are with 1 Girl,

its ANAND

If you are with 2 Girls,
its MAHANAND

If you are with 3 Girls,
its PARAMANAND
If you are with many Girls,
then you must be ..

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.

�FD Swami NITYANAND !

Good News- Just Joke

Good  News   for the PUNE  People.

 

TAJMAHAL IS MOVING  FROM AGRA TO PUNE
don't believe ? huh..?
Ok... Scroll down to see the proof
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Good Job- Joke

Teacher - maine tum Logoo se kaha tha ki roj ek accha kaam karo. 

Kya kisi bacche ne aaj koi accha kaam kiya ?

Pappu- Ji Ham paanch bacchu ne milkar amma ko sadak paar karai.

Teacher - Very Good! Lekin yah to tum akele kar sakte the, Paanch log kyu?

Pappu- Sir, Wah sadak paar karne ko taiyaar nahi thi. Uthakar le jana pada.

Worlds most Deadly PJ's

Worlds most Deadly PJ's

1.  Tumse pyaar karte karte hamne kar diya crime....
     Tumse pyaar karte karte hamne kar diya crime....
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." 1 is neither composite nor prime"



2. Agar dava chahiye toh dhundo koi chemist....
   Agar dava chahiye toh dhundo koi chemist....

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My NAME IS KHAN and I AM NOT A TERRORIST...


3.  yuh khamosh rehkar tadpogi kabtak....
     yuh khamosh rehkar tadpogi kabtak....



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Cameraman praful ke saath deepak chaurasia AAJ TAK..


4.. Arj kiya hai..

   He is KISSING
   She is KISSING


    He is KISSING
   She is KISSING

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* * *Some text missing
* * *some text missing

5. woh mujhe chood ke chali gayi usse pana mein chahun....
    woh mujhe chood ke chali gayi usse pana mein chahun....
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ahun ahun ahun
ahun ahun ahun



6.mehngai ki iss daur mein karna padta hai apne kharche par kabooo..
  mehngai ki iss daur mein karna padta hai apne kharche par kabooo..
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 ek chutki sindoor ki kimat tum kya jano Ramesh babu...



7. Akbar ne kharide 3-3 ghode..
   Akbar ne kharide 3-3 ghode..
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aja aja dil nichode ....
raat ki matki phode...


8. mein yahan tu hai wahan...
    mein yahan tu hai wahan..
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LIFEBUOY hai jahan tandurusti hai wahan...


9. Blood donate karne se pehle hamesha uska group janchna...
    Blood donate karne se pehle hamesha uska group janchna...
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"BASANTI in kuton ke samne mat nachna...."


Emotional Shayari…
Arz kiya hai…
Ab toh Zindagi ka maksad hai tujhe apnana…
Ab toh Zindagi ka maksad hai tujhe apnana…
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A for Apple B for Banana…
WAH WAH…!!
=======================================================================================
 
Arz kiya hai…
Kal tak thee jo meri present…
Kal tak thee jo meri present…
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Aaj ho gayee hai past…
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Kal tak thee jo meri present…
Aaj ho gayee hai past…
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Offer valid till stocks last..  :-P
 =======================================================================================



 Arz kiya hai…
Bakre ne maara jo bakri ko seeng……
Bakre ne maara jo bakri ko seeng……
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Toh Bakri bhi maregi bakre ko seeng.
 =======================================================================================
 


Arz kiya hai…
Baith kar girlfriend ki Zulfon ke saaye mai aisa josh aaya…
Wah-Wah, Wah-Wah…
Baith kar girlfriend ki Zulfon ke saaye mai aisa josh aaya…
;
;
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Ki   Uske papa ne dekh liya aur ICU mai hosh aaya…
 =======================================================================================


Yashomati Maiyya Se Bole Nandlala ...
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Waah! Waah!
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Yashomati Maiyya Se Bole Nandlala ...

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"Maa, Tata Sky Laga Daala To Life Jhingalala ..!!"
  =======================================================================================

Teacher to student : 1 chiku ke ped pe 10 kele lage hai, usme se 5 aam gir gaye , to btao ab kitne angoor bache…

Raju : Sir 10 hathi bache…

Teacher:  Arrey waah, tumhe kaise pata chala




Raju : Kyunki aaj main tiffin mein methi ke pronthe laaya hun..
 =======================================================================================


Romio ne juliet se  kaha ek sach
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Romio ne juliet se  kaha ek sach
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.Asali masale sach sach
 MDH.....MDH ...!
 =======================================================================================


Ek Kana Ladka Kisi ladki ko Propose kare to kaun sa gana Gayega?




!!!
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!!!
….












Ek Nazar se bhi Pyar Hota hai Maine suna Hai............................................
 =======================================================================================

 A scientist disconnected his doorbell.......

can u guess why???

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try

think!!!

donno???
cuz
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!!!!!!!!

he wanted to win the No-bell prize!!!!!!!!!!
 =======================================================================================


Salma ke pyaar me doob gaya Peter

Gaur farmaiye

Salma ke pyaar me doob gaya Peter
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Ab hero Honda splendor 80 kilometer prati leter
 =======================================================================================


1 ladki ne kiya ladke ko gaal pe kiss
1 ladki ne kiya ladke ko gaal pe kiss

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Mutual funds are subjected to market risks……!!!!
  =======================================================================================

 
World’s most PAINFUL shayari…

Dil mai chubhi sui….

Arz kiya hai…

Dil mai chubhi sui…

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Uui uui, uui uui…

Q.How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?

A.Concrete floors are very hard to crack(u shud know

that)!

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Q.If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take

four men to build it?

A. No time at all it is already built(think ahead).

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Q.If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and

three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?

A. Very large hands.(Good 1 na?)

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Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?

A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one

hand.

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Q.How can a man go eight days without sleep?

A. He sleeps at night.

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Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what will it become?

A. Wet.(sorry abt this)

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Q. What looks like half an apple ?

A : The other half.

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Q. What can you never eat for breakfast ?

A : Dinner.

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Q. What gets wet with drying ?

A : A towel.

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Q. What happened when wheel was invented ?

A : It caused a revolution.

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Q. Why is it easy to weigh a fish ?

A : Because it has its own scales.

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Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?

A : Liquid

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Q: what is the opposite of Nagpanchmi?

A: Nag did not punch me. (This is an old 1)

***********************************

Q:now what is the inverse of Nagpanchmi?

Come on..

....................

.................

...................

.................

................

A: I punched Nag. (This is a new 1, ain't it?)

***********************************

Q:Chintu's mom has three sons.What is the name of the

other two?

A:Chin-1 & Chin-3 (This was the worst 1! )

 Some of the world's most deadly PJ's………… ……

FASHION

FASHION

BOY - TUMHARI KAMEEZ FATI HUI HAI.


GIRL - NAHI YE FASHION HAI...


BOY - KISNE FAADA.....


GIRL - MAINE KHUD..


BOY - ACHA KHUD FAADO TO FASHION ......



HUM FAADE TO POLICE STATION .....

Sardar's Party

SARDRO KI PARTY CHAL HAHI THI,


 DJ WALA BOLA KAB TAK DJ BJAU?


PARTY OWNER : TU 12 BJE TAK BJA DE USKE BAD TO YE SARDER LOG GENERATOR KI AAWAZ PE HI NACH LENGE
 

INTRODUCING T20 FORMAT IN EXAMS.................

Introducing T20 format in exams

*Reduce exam time by 1hr and marks by 50
 
*Introduce breaks after each 15 minutes
 
*Give free hit marks for unexpected

d questions
 
*first 30 minuts power play no supervisor in the class
 
*Cheer girls in every class they will dance when we take an additional sheet!!

Patni chalisa...

Namo-namo patni maharani,
Tumhari mahima koi na jane !

Humne samjha tum abla ho,
Par tum to sabse badi bala ho !

Jis din haath mein belan aave,
Us din pati khoob chillave !

Saare bed pe patni sove,
Pati beth farsh par rove !

Tumse hi ghar Mathura, Kaashi,
Aur tumse hi ghar Satyanasi !

Patni chalisa jo nar gave,
Sab sukh chhod param dukh paave.!!

JUMPING A RED LIGHT

In the traffic court a young lady was brought before the judge to answer for a ticket given her for driving through a red light.

She explained to his honor that she was a school teacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case so she could get to the school on time.

A wild gleam came into the judge's eyes.

"You're a school teacher, eh?" he said. "Madam, I shall realize my lifelong ambition. I've waited years to have a school teacher in this court. Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not drive through red lights' 500 times!"

Teachers and professors who are not so good at ENGLISH

These are some dialogs said by teachers and professors who are not so good at ENGLISH.


our class teacher once said :

" pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!!!"

 *******************************************

once our Hindi teacher said...."i am going out of the world to America.."....lol...

*******************************************


"..DON'T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY BACK.."

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don't..laugh at the back benches...otherwise teeth and all will be fallen down.....

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it was very hot in the afternoon when the teacher entered.. tried to switch the fan on but there was sum problem. and then she said
" why is fan not oning" (ing form of on)

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teacher in a furious mood...
write down your name and father of your name!!

*******************************************


"shhh... quiet... the principal is revolving around college"

*******************************************

"half of u go to the right, half of u go to the left n the remaining come behind me"......

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My manager started like this
"Hi, I am Madhu, Married with two kids"


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"I'll illustrate what i have in my mind" said the professor and erased the board

*******************************************

"will u hang that calender or else i'll HANG MYSELF"

*******************************************

LIBRARIAN SCOLD ," IF U WILL TALK AGAIN , I WILL KNEEL DOWN OUTSIDE"

*******************************************

our chemistry HOD comes and tells us...
"My aim is to study my son and marry my daughter"

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tomorrow call your parents especially mother and father

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"why are you looking at the monkeys outside when i am in the class?!"

*******************************************

our lab assistant said this when my friend wrote wrong code..

"i understand. u understand.computer how understand??

''ये पहली बार है!''

''ये पहली बार है!''

एक दंपत्ति ने जब अपनी शादी की 25 वीं वर्षगांठ मनाई तो एक स्थानीय समाचारपत्र का संवाददाता उनका साक्षात्कार लेने उनके घर जा पहुंचा। दरअसल वे दंपत्ति अपने शांतिपूर्ण और सुखमय विवाहित जीवन के लिये पूरे कस्बे में प्रसिध्द हो चुके थे। उनके बीच कभी कोई तकरार नाम मात्र के लिये भी नहीं हुई । संवाददाता उनके सुखी जीवन का राज जानने के लिये उत्सुक था।
पति ने बताया - हमारी शादी के फौरन बाद हमलोग हनीमून मनाने के लिये शिमला गये हुये थे। वहां हम लोगों ने घुड़सवारी की। मेरा घोड़ा तो ठीक था पर जिस घोड़े पर मेरी पत्नी सवार थी वह जरा सा नखरैल था। उसने दौड़ते दौड़ते अचानक मेरी पत्नी को नीचे गिरा दिया।
पत्नी ने घोड़े की पीठ पर हाथ फेरते हुये कहा - यह पहली बार है । और फिर उसी घोड़े पर सवार हो गई। थोड़ी दूर चलने के बाद घोड़े ने फिर उसे नीचे गिरा दिया।
पत्नी ने अबकी बार कहा - यह दूसरी बार है। और फिर उसी घोड़े पर सवार हो गई ।
तीसरी बार जब घोड़े ने उसे नीचे गिराया तो मेरी पत्नी ने घोड़े से कुछ नहीं कहा, बस अपने पर्स से पिस्तौल निकाली और घोड़े को गोली मार दी।
मैं अपनी पत्नी पर चिल्लाया - ''ये तुमने क्या किया ! तुमने एक बेजुबान जानवर को मार दिया......! क्या तुम पागल हो गई हो ?''
पत्नी ने मेरी तरफ देखा और कहा - ''ये पहली बार है!''

और बस, तभी से हमारी जिंदगी सुख और शान्ति से चल रही है।

" शांति को बुलाओ "

" शांति को बुलाओ "

एक हसबैंड अपनी वाइफ से - " शांति को बुलाओ "
वाइफ - "कौन वो हमारे काम वाली बाई"
हसबैंड - " हाँ"
वाइफ - "क्यों ?"
हसबैंड - "डाक्टर ने कहा है की गोली खावो और शांति के साथ सो जावो

The Art of Appraisal

The Art of Appraisal

Big Boss: This year your performance was good, excellent and outstanding. So, your rating is "average".

Kamal: What? How come 'average'?

Big Boss: Because...err...uhh...you lack domain knowledge.

Kamal: But last year you said I am a domain expert and you put me in this project as a domain consultant.

Big Boss: Oh is it? Well, in that case, I think your domain knowledge has eroded this year.

Kamal: What???

Big Boss: Yes, I didn't see you sharing knowledge on Purchasing domain.

Kamal: Why would I? Because I am not in Purchasing, I am in Manufacturing.

Big Boss: This is what I don't like about you. You give excuse for everything.

Kamal: Huh? *Confused*

Big Boss: Next, you need to improve your communication skills.

Kamal: Like what? I am the one who trained the team on "Business Communication", you sat in the audience and took notes, you remember?

Big Boss: Oh is it? Errr...well..I mean, you need to improve your Social Pragmatic Affirmative Communication.

Kamal: Huh? What the hell is that? *Confused*

Big Boss: See! That's why you need to learn about it.

Kamal: *head spinning*

Big Boss: Next, you need to sharpen your recruiting skills. All the guys you recruited left within 2 months.

Kamal: Well, not my mistake. You told them you will sit beside them and review their code, and most resigned the next day itself. Couple of them even attempted suicide.

Big Boss:*stunned* (recovers from shock) Err...anyway, I tried to give you a better rating, but our Normalization process gave you only 'average'.

Kamal: Last year that process gave me 'excellent'. This year just 'average'? Why is this process pushing me up and down every year?

Big Boss: That's a complicated process. You don't want to hear.

Kamal: I'll try to understand. Go ahead.

Big Boss: Well, we gather in a large room, write down the names of sub-ordinates in bits of paper, and throw them up in the air. Whichever lands on the floor gets 'average', whichever lands on table gets 'good', whichever we manage to catch gets 'excellent' and whichever gets stuck to ceiling gets 'outstanding'.

Kamal: (eyes popping out) What? Ridiculous! So who gets 'poor' rating?

Big Boss: Those are the ones we forget to write down.

Kamal: What the hell! And how can paper bits stick to ceiling for 'outstanding'?

Big Boss: Oh no, now you have started questioning our 20 year old organizational process!

WOMEN AS EXPLAINED BY ENGINEERS..( 4 fun)

BEFORE MARRIAGE

BEFORE MARRIAGE

He: Yes. At last . It was so hard to wait.

She: Do you want me to leave?

He: No! Don't even think about it.

She: Do you love me?

He: Of course! Over and over!

She Have you ever cheated on me?

He: No! Why are you even asking?

She: Will you kiss me?

He: Every chance I get.

She: Will you hit me?

He: Are you crazy? I'm not that kind of person!

She: Can I trust you?

He: Yes!

She: Darling!

AFTER MARRIAGE....

Simply read from bottom to top.